OUT NOW: This film is crap!

Would you not think that after spending literally tens of millions of dollars and goodness knows how many hours of blood, sweat and tears on producing a cinematic masterpiece, you would at least make the effort to give your work a worthy title? To many big names in the film industry, the answer is too frequently, NO!

It appears the art of naming films has fallen at the hands of the dull and obvious. Take for example Snakes on a Plane (what on earth could this film possibly be about?) Picture the scene:

Director: (insert irritating American accent) So, I've got this great movie. We're talking action, thriller, all star cast, a disaster movie based around some snakes on a plane. All it need it needs is a kick ass title. What have you got for me?

Overpaid creative genius: errrm....so its a disaster..... action ...snakes ... on.... plane....

Director: That's it: SNAKES ON A PLANE! Genius! How did I not think of this before?

OK, perhaps my grand perspective on the ins and outs of the film industry is somewhat naïve but I refuse to believe they couldn't have come up with something a little more imaginative. Snakes on a Plane? It hardly leaves you in a state of intrigue and as if this assault on our brains isn't enough, there's a sequel and its title of course is.......SNAKES ON A TRAIN! Somebody tell me this is a joke!

Another offending title to hit the big screen is There Will Be blood. Described beautifully on IMDB as "a story about family, greed, religion, and oil, centered around a turn-of-the-century prospector in the early days of the business," its title instead conjures up images of what could just as well be another cheap teen horror blood bath.

Perhaps not quite as offensive, but far closer to my heart and therefore twice the crime, is the weak attempt at naming the new Indiana Jones film. Far from the excitement evoked by the previous titles, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Temple of Doom and The Last Crusade, the 2008 title, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, leaves you feeling like someone just pulled the plug on your space hopper; deflated.

My current top title in the battle for the obscure and the just plain crap has to be recently released film, Jumper. I hate to disappoint but this isn't the laundry based film phenomena you'd been waiting for. There will be no talk of cashmere or advisory washing temperatures. This film is in fact about a genetic anomaly that allows a young man to teleport himself, "of course," I hear you say, "how did I not get that from the title!". Who comes up with this stuff?! It can't be that hard to get the balance between total obscurity and sheer boredom, after all they've made a whole flipping film!

As for Jumper, if you were really looking forward to the laundry based script, take a look at this alternative trailer from YouTube.