Jack Black.

Given the recent furore over the incoming Ben Stiller directed film, ‘Tropic Thunder,’ I decided it was about time to vent my pure hatred for the ‘comedy’ actor Jack Black. One of the most gut wrenchingly horrible persons ever to grace the cinema screen, and a person who, instead of taking the piss out of war, should be sent to the frontlines so the armies of Allah can pulverise his soulless body.

I know this isn’t going to go down well – everyone and anyone I’ve met seem to be under the impression that Jack Black is a pure comedy genius. I have also noticed that the majority of these people are dead inside, with little or no reason to live and therefore at this juncture I’d just like to warn you that, given my fundamental scientific study of the area, if you find this man funny then you are dead inside as well.

To justify what I’ve said a little bit, I will say that I have no problem with some of the other members of what is known in the Hollywood comedy circle as ‘The Rat Pack”. Vince Vaughn made a pretty good performance in Dodgeball, Will Ferrel is brilliant in Anchorman and Steve Carrel was the only good thing about the rather lacklustre Evan Almighty.

But there is something about Jack Black that just causes my body to spasm into a fit of rage, inevitably leading to me clawing away at my eyeballs. Fortunately, I wear glasses, so I just end up with scratched lenses, causing me to view the world through broken glasses. However if I was to get run over by a car due to the fact I couldn’t see, it would be Jack Black's fault.

There is not only the fact that his sense of humour is akin to that of a troglodyte but I am convinced that he is a paedophile in hiding. This is a man who assumed the role of a teacher, illegally, in order to get closer to a group of minors with whom he formed inappropriate relationships with to further his own career in music.

In this image we see Jack leading his victims out of the town to his dungeon.

And on the subject of music, Tenacious D, Black’s project with his ironically named fellow ice cream lover friend Kyle Gass, is so devoid of any comedy that it’s almost akin to listening to the screams of the Titanic victims. Seriously, guys – the joke was old by the end of the music video for ‘Tribute’. It’s the same worn joke repeated ad infinitum, to the extent where they somehow managed to stretch it out to an appalling film.

I don’t know what makes me angrier. The fact that this idiot has actually managed to make a successful career out of being ‘zany’ and ‘off the wall’, whilst comedians with actual talent such as the lads behind The League of Gentlemen remain unknown to most audiences. Or maybe what really makes my blood boil is that people not only buy into this unoriginal trash, but…find it funny. Jesus wept people, Jesus wept.