I DON'T.

Despite the constant abuse from my peers I do not see myself as being particularly old, yet it seems I've reached a point in my life when all my friends have decided to get married, something which definitely should not be considered until one is decidedly aged. In the past 9 months alone I have been invited to no less than 5 weddings of close friends and family including my own mothers, which in itself holds enough grievances for an entire blog.

It's not that I particularly mind the invitations themselves, indeed I am flattered to be selected as worthy for the precious places on the matrimonial lists to witness the big "I do", its just that weddings are bloody expensive. Yes I realize the ten of thousands of pounds spent on beautiful dresses, overpriced marquees and awful evening bands, but the expense I'm referring to is mine as the guest.

Take this wedding I've been invited to in April. Not only will it take up one of my precious Saturdays normally spent in bed, but its on my flipping birthday as well! Can you believe the cheek? Not only do they want to make a public declaration of their sickening in-loveness but they want to do it on my birthday! What's worse, the couple in question have made it impossible to avoid the occasion by requesting my involvement in the service too...clever...very clever. Attendance isn't enough, they want endorsement too.

The point of course isn't that I begrudge them their special day, its more the huge increase that my ever-expanding overdraft will incur that infuriates me. The wedding itself is in Perth (Scotland not Australia - though I did have the sense to turn down an invitation to another wedding in Sydney a few weeks ago - that I thought, was asking too much). I do not know Perth or, more to the point, do not know anyone who can put me up in Perth and therefore not only do I have to spend eighty quid on a train ticket but will also have to fork out another seventy quid, at least, on two nights in a less than sanitary B&B. As for pre and post wedding eating arrangements, I shall just have to starve, the student purse strings will not allow otherwise.

With transport and accommodation now totaling somewhere in the region of £150, I am more than reluctant to purchase a wedding present, perhaps I should adapt one of those shitty cards, you know the type...

I was going to buy you an amazing wedding present....

...but I just spent a hundred and fifty fucking pounds getting here!

Alas I am British I so instead will spend hours perusing their John Lewis wedding list, in search of an inexpensive (if that's possible) but non stingy gift. For all this effort there had better be plenty of free champagne on the day. At least I know there'll be an abundance of beer and sausage waiting for me when I have to the whole thing over again in Germany this August!