Is it just me or is the world of new parents in some grand competition to see who can embarrass their kids the most ridiculous names? Argh, it seems I find myself on a rant about names once again. Do not be alarmed, my plans to procreate are safely locked away in a part of my brain that denies its own existence, but this subject still really irritates me. I hold celebrities responsible. As 'news' is rapidly being redefined as celebrity culture it is near impossible to avoid the the weekly announcements of some new celebrity offspring's arrival, whether it be a blessing from the Gods of Scientology or just your average day of excruciating labor. And along with all the wonderful details of child birth we are also imposed with there bizarre names splashed over magazine stands.
Take Chris Martin, while Coldplay remain my guilty pleasure in the Pop World and I would not normally admit to any wrong doing on their part, I cannot ignore the fact that him and his wife, the beautiful Gwyneth Paltrow called their daughter Apple! That's not a name, its a fruit as, Mr Geldof, are Peaches. What is wrong with these people, do they really want there children to be forever likened to food?
If fruit doesn't take your fancy, you could always do as the Beckham's did for Brooklyn and use the place of conception to name your sprog. You can see it now, hundreds of kids running round Britain with names like Weston-super-Mare, Padstow or just Bed which is, I imagine, where most babies are conceived.
Then you've got the religious type and my family are the worst offenders for this. Most of my cousins are 2 or 3 kids in by now, but its seems they are all set on giving their children biblical names and there is in fact a website for just such parents. This alone wouldn't be much of a problem, only I have 37 cousins and there just aren't that many normal names in the bible. Inevitably I have ended up with second cousins called Zechariah, Zephaniah, Solomon, Caleb and Gabriel, I kid you not! Again, did their parents not think of the bullying potential here?
In my naivety I did not realize the magnitude of the baby naming community, people actually sign up to websites to discuss their chosen names with other new parents. Is this why our country allows people maternity leave, to sit on "babynames.com" all day pondering the benefits of choosing Carrot over Elijah? Or worse, watching Baby Names TV with all the latest celebrity baby gossip, name choices, and Miranda Margaret, possibly the most annoying presenter I've ever seen!
A note of thanks to my own parents for not calling us inanimate objects or an obscure biblical characters but sticking with good strong British names. Normality; I salute you.
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