Queening.

Unfortunately for Elizabeth, the paparazzi caught her having a cheeky peek at Phillip's duke.

Here in England we seem to have a certain reverence for members of the older generation. Be it because they were in some war or something, or the fact that we just can't help but love a bag of wrinkles that pisses itself. And there is one old person that rises up above all the others. She is to geriatrics what Christ is to christians. She is the queen.

A woman (yes, a woman) held in such high regard that she has two birthdays a year. Two birthdays. Given that our birthdays are the only day we look forward to in our miserable struggle through endless days of the routine of wash, work, wank this is a pretty big deal.

You see, I wouldn't mind so much if she actually served a purpose. There was a time (I know this to be true because I've seen it in those Hollywoods films) when kings and queens kicked arse. I mean really kicked arse. Take Henry VIII for example. He spent his entire reign being a complete and utter bastard. Ironically, we Brits remain more proud of those days, when a king could chop a womans head off just because she didn't cook his veal properly (a perfectly justified reaction) than our standard of Britishness today. Therefore I'd like to suggest a direct correlation between the bastardedness of royalty to the sheer awesomeness of Britain.

Despite the clothes being extremely distasteful, what you see here is the image of a perfect man.

But alas, apart from being the subject of a woefully depressing film starring another old woman who cries a lot all the queen is now good for is waving. How have we let this happen? How, in the space of 499 years can you go from being able to kill people for fun, to having pretty much the same purpose as one of those big thumbs you get at the ball games?

The trouble is, this whole idea of having royalty is so outdated. It's a great idea if she has the power to kill at will, but in this day and age she probably has to ask permission to fart. And what happens if there's no one around to ask? Will the methane build up inside her until the pressure is too much and she explodes, covering the throne with queeny goodness? At the end of the day, all she's good for providing entertainment for Japanese tourists.

Despite so much resentment for the old girl, I would still love to sit down and have a quick chat with her, probably over a selection of gay foodstuffs such as caviar and horse testicles. Subjects I'd love to cover would include what she does with all that free time, (my wild imagination leads me to believe she runs a part time porn industry, with Prince Charles dressed up in a gimp suit, and doing all the paperwork. Yeah yeah, I know I've got issues.) what she honestly thinks of poor people, and whether her toilet is golden, and if this therefore means that whenever she pops off for a piss, if she is having what is commonly known as a "golden shower".

Blogger

Some of you might have noticed that for this blog we have been using Blogger. And it's absolutely rubbish. Whilst I agree that it is a very easy program to use and ideal for bloggers who are new, but for people who have been blogging for a while it is starting to grate.

For one, everytime a picture is included in the post or a list or a video, the space between the text shortens in comparision to the text before it. This might be nit-pickity to some but it looks really unprofessional and annoying. Other issues include pictures that didn't appear (on Tuesday, a picture on the post regarding baby names refused to work alltogether. And some of the default skins are absolutely hideous! The worst of these is one called Dots. Quite frankly it makes me want to destroy things in a violent rage. I also am getting sick of my blog being associated with Google.

There are many alternatives out there that now surpass Blogger in what they can do for the blog creator. One such blog engine is Wordpress. This summer I will be looking to move my own blog onto Wordpress because it just looks better. Take such example blogs like A Reminder and Twelve Major Chords for example. It makes Blogger look like a weakling.

If there is one thing that Blogger does have, it is that it isn't something like LiveJournal. Why I would want to have my blogs on a community that involve loads of slash fiction groups and Doctor Who/David Tennant drooling groups, I don't really know.

Sleepless nights

Is could possibly be the most annoying thing to happen in the world. Nicely tucked up in bed been asleep for an hour or two then all of a sudden you need the toilet (I find this is made a lot worse when it is cold outside. The colder it is the longer the walk to the toilet is) or someone or something wakes you up. Not too bad you’re thinking then you try to get back to sleep and it just doesn’t happen. I find once I’m up I’m up not of’s or but’s I just cant get back to sleep. It happened a couple if nights ago, one of my ever so friendly housemates decided to get me up once he had finished work at a pub. So after a couple of hours of drunken chat he decided I was allowed to go back to bed because he was tired (nice of him I know). So clambered back into bed and no matter what I tried it just wasn’t happening I was left to see the rest of the night out brilliant!

What seems to make it worse is the fact the next days or if you’re even unluckier for the next couple of days you will be tired and just want to sleep all the time. Why would your body do this to you? It actually makes no sense. Why on some nights is it so easy to fall asleep? Could it be the mind playing tricks on you or the fact you just fancy torturing yourself for a little bit.

I feel incredibly sorry for anyone who would suffers from insomnia. Taking a quote from the Fightclub, “when you have insomnia you are never really awake or asleep”. Probably the worst thing in an insomnia sufferer’s life is actually having to go to bed, you wouldn’t really want to wish that upon anyone, as sleeping is fantastic you cant beat it, so why would something no-one can really explain take it away?

VOTE FAT ARSE JEANS TODAY

Skinny jeans, they're everywhere and I hate them. How on earth did it become fashionable for men to emphasise their scrawny little chicken legs in these shrink wrap pin huggers. Do people really find this attractive or does anyone else just think it resembles an underdeveloped 8yr old on his way to a mother imposed ballet lesson? There is also the issue of the overexposed unmentionables. Boys, with only a tiny layer of denim strapped across your bits you aren't leaving much up to the imagination, which is fine if your hung like a donkey, but lets be honest, are you?

Skinny Jeans are clearly just another retail money wrangling machine, they take half as much fabric to make, but still maintain a sale price that verges on extortion. And you've fallen for it, all of you, you useless bloody, fashion foolish sheep! Planning your next trip to Topman so you strut around with your bowed legs and your nads in my face, thinking your all in the frickin Klaxons. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU ALL.

Whats worse, women are at it too and whilst 2% of the country with supermodel legs can actually pull the look off, the rest of you, I'm afraid, are just kidding yourselves. There is little worse that being subject the effect of one womens fat arse being squeezed into these hideous garments. What on earth possesses a fat person to even consider something that is clearly labeled skinny? Stop this madness now. VOTE FAT-ARSE JEANS TODAY!

Seriously what possesses you?

The Price of Public Transport!!!

As a person who has to take public transport on a regular basis there is one thing that gives on my nerves so much (apart from their inefficiency) is the prices of tickets! If the government want us to use public transport more often and our car less, surely they should lower the prices! For example; From Brockenhurst to London Waterloo the average price for a return ticket is £30!

But, then the buses around my area is even worse. From Lymington to Brockenhurst (about 4 miles) single journey will cost you around £3. That is an outrageous price when you think the petrol for a car would cost less, so if the government want us to use public transport rather than or car then they need to think less about all the profit they will make and think about lowering prices to make it easier to travel around.

Luckily though, for me, I have a young persons railcard, which is an amazing thing to have if you are the right age. It gives you a third off all rail fares. However, even then prices cab be extortionate. I was looking into getting the train up to Newcastle from Farnham. For a single to Newcastle they want to charge me £28 with the railcard or for an open return they want to charge me £72. I know that when you work out the cost of running a car (tax, insurance, mot, mechanical work etc) public transport would probably come up cheaper. But then you consider the advantages of running a car:

1. The comfort; A car in general is more comfortable than train, and is definitely more comfortable than a bus.
2. Ease off travel: It is easier and more convenient to travel by car because you can park closer to your destination and you are not set to such a strict timetabel as you would be with public transport due top train and bus times!

There are many other reasons why cars can be seen as more practical, although on the other hand you could argue there are advantages to trains and buses, such as the lack of having to pay for parking and you don't need to find a parking space.

But, when it comes down to it, if the government want us to use public transport they need to think about making services more regular but more importantly, cheaper!!!

The False Perception

I hate how some people earn more money for doing less and some people earn less money for doing more. The media presents footballers and so called athletes as role models for younger generations to aspire to. This sickens me when society’s real heroes are our doctors, fire-fighters and policemen.

Let me put this into context, a premiership footballer on average is set to receive just under £700,000 a year, and this is not including all corporate sponsors. Their job involves running in circles, kicking a ball, learning how to fall over without injury and learning how to fall over pretending to have an injury. This is a useless skill. This does not change my life for the better. This does not save or affect the lives of others. A medical professional on the other hand is set to earn an average of £100,000 a year. This is surprising when they have to go through years of training and experience some of the most horrific of scenes. Don’t get me wrong, this is still a fairly respectable wage, but why have we not got our priorities right? I always thought that sport was a bit like game, for fun with no politics and no discrimination.


This was Pepsi Advert which starred some footballers, I don't know who they are, just as well really.


I don’t want to sound or act like some idealist, but I can’t help but feel sorry for doctors and nurses who day in, day out help the less fortunate, who obviously are more educated, more integral to today’s society; but are at a less appreciated level. I am never clear on how to rant on this particular subject, I think it’s too much of an obvious problem. I just hope that other people can see this for themselves. But all is not lost. Perhaps footballers can engage the brain and use their fame for a better cause, perhaps give away their wages to people who actually work? It’s just a suggestion.

Buses

I think I'll start this off with an anecdote. Picture the scene at 6pm at Woking. I've just had an afternoon of shorthand at university (death by squiggles), have had to walk back to the station in the rain, spent 20 minutes on a train looking out into the gloomy, depressive weather outside and have just walked to the bus station expecting a bus to take me home in about 5 minutes.

So I wait...

And wait...

And wait...

And wait...

It's now 6:20pm and I still haven't been able to get on a bus that should have been at Woking about 15 minutes ago. I asked a bus driver where the bus was and he said, in craptacular English, "I don't know."

So, I've spent 20 minutes in the rain (that, may I add, got worse and worse as time went on) waiting for something to take my home and that is your best excuse?

Buses are the sinners of public transport. In the last year, only half of my buses have actually managed to come on time. Why? Because the drivers are either overpaid, fat, lazy, foreigners with no grasp of the English language, a combination of the above or all four. Forget complaining about trains - they are actually fucking reliable! Why should I pay £4 for a return ticket for such shoddy service?

My girlfriend also had a bad experience with buses late last year. She didn't want to cycle back home in the rubbish weather, but instead wanted to take the bike with her on a bus back. The previous times she has done this, it was fine. But the driver on this one occassion decided that he wanted to go on a power trip, and deny her from going on the bus.

What's even more staggering about this is that this is not breaking the code of conduct! It quite clearly says in the Arriva Conditions of Carriage document, on page 4, that it is up to the driver's discretion to allow someone on a bus with a bike. I understand that it would not be acceptable to take a bike on a very crowded bus but that rule is set in stone and something that drivers take advantage of far too easily.